I’m An Autistic Adult Who Was Bullied in Elementary and High School

When I was a little girl in elementary school, I was bullied. Bullied by a fifth grader. There were times in elementary school when I had mean words aimed at me and was being called names. It hurt me so much. I still recall those days when I was bullied by that fifth grader.

The fifth grader called me names and was really mean to me, he treated me like dirt and also treated me unfairly. He called me a f*ggot, and even in the lunch lines he was mean. I felt so alone and it made me feel like there was nothing I could do about it. He yelled at me that one day in March 1998, saying to me, “What the f*** are you looking at?” I started bawling and running over to my aide, and she and I went to the learning support room to collect myself. I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t handle what he had said to me. He was just so mean and rude to me. It was a horrific time in my life for me. It was a very bad time in my life. It hurt me so badly. Sometimes I have nightmares about the way he acted around me. My aide and I had a long talk about it. I always loved our long talks.

In high school, in tenth grade, I was bullied by a group of guys, and they called me names too. They called me a pig. They laughed at me, they called me a “poser” or something like that. I think what they actually called me was a “hoser”. The truth is, when you are autistic, you get bullied. I’ve been there. I know what it’s like to be bullied. I still go through this phase a lot, now that I’m in high school. It hurts so much. It’s never easy being who you are, and sometimes life can hurt. But it’s good to know that I have a lot of people in my life who love and care about me.

I am an autistic adult, and I’m a human being. I am not a pig, I am not a hoser, and I am neither a monster, a tragedy or a burden. I am me. As an autistic adult, I enjoy my life, but sometimes it can be hard. But I know that I have a lot of family and friends who love me and care about me. I don’t like hurting others and I don’t want to hurt anybody. I love everybody, and as an autistic adult, I want people to know how much it hurts an autistic person when they are teased, bullied, mocked, ridiculed, tormented, murdered, muzzled, and silenced. I want to get my story out there and make it go viral so that people would be more understanding of what it is like to be autistic. People are so quick to judge, mistreat and condemn us constantly. It’s not right. That’s why I am getting the word out there so that people can understand what it’s like to be disabled.

Some days aren’t like the others but I’m glad to say that as an autistic adult, I have value, and my life has value. A lot of people don’t see it that way. They want us murdered or left in institutions and nursing homes to vegetate and rot. I’m thankful that for a second year in a row I get to tell my story to let people know that our lives as disabled people have value, that we disabled people matter and that we disabled people need to be loved and taken really good care of. That we disabled people are not burdens or tragedies. That we disabled people need you to give us hugs and let us know how much you love us. Don’t try to cure us, just love and understand us. Don’t talk over us, talk TO us. Don’t dismiss us, don’t judge us or condemn us. Listen to us. Because we need to be understood. We need to be taken care of. Don’t throw us away in the garbage can. When you do things like judge and condemn us disabled people, you are taking away so much of our dignity.

As an autistic adult, I am tender-hearted. I don’t lack empathy. I have feelings, and I cry and I hurt just like everybody else. I laugh, I have a sense of humor, I am hard-working on my art and singing, I have a heart, and I care. I’m thankful that I’m not in a nursing home or institution where I have no freedoms at all. Please love and understand us disabled people. And know that our lives do have value when the rest of the world seems to have lost their compassion for others. Thank you.

My Labor Day Nightmare

I had a very tough Labor Day this year. On the morning of Labor Day, I had a meltdown, and my mom told me that I was acting like a crazy person because of the meltdown. I said to her, “Mom, I’m autistic, not crazy.” This was because that morning I wanted to end the conversation with my stepdad and my stepdad was really mean to me abourt it, telling me that he wasn’t gonna make anything for me, all because I stopped a conversation. I felt like I was being judged for shortening a conversation. I know that that is not the way that people are supposed to be treating autistic people.

Labor Day afternoon was worse, because when my stepdad yelled at me for leaving the bowl on the table after lunch, I wanted to tell him that it was all a big mistake but then he made me go up into my bedroom. He even snapped at me when he told me to go into my room.

Things were really awful for me that day, because I had really bad cramps and I didn’t want to deal with them. Life isn’t fair for autistic adults like me. It’s really hard.

Later I had some shrimp and noodles with salmon, haddock, and nachos with hummus. I enjoyed my Labor Day supper and it was really delicious. I think that Labor Day evening was much better than the morning and afternoon, because Labor Day morning and afternoon was really horrible for me.

Anyway, it is now fall, and the cooler weather has finally come. I am enjoying the cooler weather. I can’t wait until the leaves change color so that I can take pictures of all of the pretty leaves. I can’t wait until I have some pumpkin bread and eat it. I can’t wait until I have a sip of pumpkin spice latte.

I’m glad that I can go to choir practice again. I have really missed choir practice. It’s so much fun and I love learning all of the songs. I love my choir teacher, Harriet. I love my fellow choir members.

I am also glad that I get to watch the Penn State Football games again, and the Sunday night NFL football games on NBC.  I also like to watch all the shows on NBC, including my local news program. My favorites are Superstore, The Good Place, Chicago Med and This Is Us.

There Is Danger In Ableism And Judging an Autistic Person Before Walking In Their Shoes

Trigger warning: ableism, gaslighting, judging an autistic person before getting to know them

On Saturday afternoon I recieved a comment on my educational post that I have written. A man had written to me and he was a friend of one of my friends on Facebook. I felt that the man’s comment was antagonistic. This is what he wrote to me that afternoon.

“Hi Christy, I love you and I don’t even know you. I have worked with people who are diseased. You can call it whatever you want but it is still a dis-ease.” He implied that just because I’m disabled means I’m diseased too, and people can catch my autism. Autism is not something that we can catch. Autism isn’t a contagious disease. It’s a disability but not a disease. A disease is something that you can catch from other people. I felt that this was really disrespectful. The man sounded really antagonistic. He also implied that I should change my attitude about autism and that I am speaking negatively about it. I would never say anything negative. I am a positive person and never have been negative.

He also implied that I should change my attitude about autism. That is never going to happen. I am proud of being autistic. I am proud of who I am. Nothing I said was negative at all. People need to realize that we autistic people are unique in our own way. I don’t appreciate being treated the way I did. And if the man could have read my blogs, he would have understood me a bit better. I get so frustrated by people who act like that. And he told me that I should look in the mirror. That’s another thing that irritates me.

I am ashamed of the way that man has told me that. I really feel that he should have read my blogs before he came and told me that. I am getting so tired of ableism in this world. Everytime I speak out against it, somebody is always gonna be so quick to judge me for that. I don’t like it. Later that day I blocked him. I didn’t want to have to deal with that, especially with him.

I am here to educate people about what life is like for us autistic people. Sadly the man didn’t seem to care. I neither educate people nor tell my story to be negative. I do these things because people should know what life is like for us autistic people. That’s all.  I was really shocked at what he said.

Sometimes I can get into some dark moments in my life. I just really wanna get my story out there. So that people can have a better understanding of what it’;s like for an autistic adult. I love people. I know how it feels to be between a rock and a hard place. I have a heart and I have feelings. Sadly not everybody understands. And that’s what really saddens me the most.