I’m An Autistic Adult Who Was Bullied in Elementary and High School

When I was a little girl in elementary school, I was bullied. Bullied by a fifth grader. There were times in elementary school when I had mean words aimed at me and was being called names. It hurt me so much. I still recall those days when I was bullied by that fifth grader.

The fifth grader called me names and was really mean to me, he treated me like dirt and also treated me unfairly. He called me a f*ggot, and even in the lunch lines he was mean. I felt so alone and it made me feel like there was nothing I could do about it. He yelled at me that one day in March 1998, saying to me, “What the f*** are you looking at?” I started bawling and running over to my aide, and she and I went to the learning support room to collect myself. I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t handle what he had said to me. He was just so mean and rude to me. It was a horrific time in my life for me. It was a very bad time in my life. It hurt me so badly. Sometimes I have nightmares about the way he acted around me. My aide and I had a long talk about it. I always loved our long talks.

In high school, in tenth grade, I was bullied by a group of guys, and they called me names too. They called me a pig. They laughed at me, they called me a “poser” or something like that. I think what they actually called me was a “hoser”. The truth is, when you are autistic, you get bullied. I’ve been there. I know what it’s like to be bullied. I still go through this phase a lot, now that I’m in high school. It hurts so much. It’s never easy being who you are, and sometimes life can hurt. But it’s good to know that I have a lot of people in my life who love and care about me.

I am an autistic adult, and I’m a human being. I am not a pig, I am not a hoser, and I am neither a monster, a tragedy or a burden. I am me. As an autistic adult, I enjoy my life, but sometimes it can be hard. But I know that I have a lot of family and friends who love me and care about me. I don’t like hurting others and I don’t want to hurt anybody. I love everybody, and as an autistic adult, I want people to know how much it hurts an autistic person when they are teased, bullied, mocked, ridiculed, tormented, murdered, muzzled, and silenced. I want to get my story out there and make it go viral so that people would be more understanding of what it is like to be autistic. People are so quick to judge, mistreat and condemn us constantly. It’s not right. That’s why I am getting the word out there so that people can understand what it’s like to be disabled.

Some days aren’t like the others but I’m glad to say that as an autistic adult, I have value, and my life has value. A lot of people don’t see it that way. They want us murdered or left in institutions and nursing homes to vegetate and rot. I’m thankful that for a second year in a row I get to tell my story to let people know that our lives as disabled people have value, that we disabled people matter and that we disabled people need to be loved and taken really good care of. That we disabled people are not burdens or tragedies. That we disabled people need you to give us hugs and let us know how much you love us. Don’t try to cure us, just love and understand us. Don’t talk over us, talk TO us. Don’t dismiss us, don’t judge us or condemn us. Listen to us. Because we need to be understood. We need to be taken care of. Don’t throw us away in the garbage can. When you do things like judge and condemn us disabled people, you are taking away so much of our dignity.

As an autistic adult, I am tender-hearted. I don’t lack empathy. I have feelings, and I cry and I hurt just like everybody else. I laugh, I have a sense of humor, I am hard-working on my art and singing, I have a heart, and I care. I’m thankful that I’m not in a nursing home or institution where I have no freedoms at all. Please love and understand us disabled people. And know that our lives do have value when the rest of the world seems to have lost their compassion for others. Thank you.

My Labor Day Nightmare

I had a very tough Labor Day this year. On the morning of Labor Day, I had a meltdown, and my mom told me that I was acting like a crazy person because of the meltdown. I said to her, “Mom, I’m autistic, not crazy.” This was because that morning I wanted to end the conversation with my stepdad and my stepdad was really mean to me abourt it, telling me that he wasn’t gonna make anything for me, all because I stopped a conversation. I felt like I was being judged for shortening a conversation. I know that that is not the way that people are supposed to be treating autistic people.

Labor Day afternoon was worse, because when my stepdad yelled at me for leaving the bowl on the table after lunch, I wanted to tell him that it was all a big mistake but then he made me go up into my bedroom. He even snapped at me when he told me to go into my room.

Things were really awful for me that day, because I had really bad cramps and I didn’t want to deal with them. Life isn’t fair for autistic adults like me. It’s really hard.

Later I had some shrimp and noodles with salmon, haddock, and nachos with hummus. I enjoyed my Labor Day supper and it was really delicious. I think that Labor Day evening was much better than the morning and afternoon, because Labor Day morning and afternoon was really horrible for me.

Anyway, it is now fall, and the cooler weather has finally come. I am enjoying the cooler weather. I can’t wait until the leaves change color so that I can take pictures of all of the pretty leaves. I can’t wait until I have some pumpkin bread and eat it. I can’t wait until I have a sip of pumpkin spice latte.

I’m glad that I can go to choir practice again. I have really missed choir practice. It’s so much fun and I love learning all of the songs. I love my choir teacher, Harriet. I love my fellow choir members.

I am also glad that I get to watch the Penn State Football games again, and the Sunday night NFL football games on NBC.  I also like to watch all the shows on NBC, including my local news program. My favorites are Superstore, The Good Place, Chicago Med and This Is Us.

People Need to Understand Before They Are Quick to Judge

A guy who I don’t even know sent me the following message this morning. I wanted to share this with you because this is why we are here as activists, to stomp out the bullying and judgementalism against us autistic people.

Random Man: So in What Way are You Disabled ? Because I See Nothing Wrong with You . Your Absolutely Perfect .

My response: I am autistic. And you are right, there’s nothing wrong with me because I am disabled. Just because I’m autistic doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with me. And why would you say that I am not disabled? I am indeed disabled. You can not tell an autistic person that she/he isn’t autistic, nor can you tell a disabled person that he/she isn’t disabled. You are not a doctor. Read our stories and blogs, and get to know us before you start to judge or make assumptions of us.

The Autism Women’s Network

Autistic Hoya

Boycott Autism Speaks

Emma’s Hopebook

Love Explosions.Net

The Autism Wars

Ollibean

Yes, That Too

Radical Neurodivergence Speaking

Judy Endow

Karla’s ASD Page

And maybe think before you make assumptions of me next time.

Yeah so this is what happened this morning. The guy was really ignorant, and his tone sounded really condescending the way he wrote it. I blocked him from messaging me immediately after I responded.

There Is Danger In Ableism And Judging an Autistic Person Before Walking In Their Shoes

Trigger warning: ableism, gaslighting, judging an autistic person before getting to know them

On Saturday afternoon I recieved a comment on my educational post that I have written. A man had written to me and he was a friend of one of my friends on Facebook. I felt that the man’s comment was antagonistic. This is what he wrote to me that afternoon.

“Hi Christy, I love you and I don’t even know you. I have worked with people who are diseased. You can call it whatever you want but it is still a dis-ease.” He implied that just because I’m disabled means I’m diseased too, and people can catch my autism. Autism is not something that we can catch. Autism isn’t a contagious disease. It’s a disability but not a disease. A disease is something that you can catch from other people. I felt that this was really disrespectful. The man sounded really antagonistic. He also implied that I should change my attitude about autism and that I am speaking negatively about it. I would never say anything negative. I am a positive person and never have been negative.

He also implied that I should change my attitude about autism. That is never going to happen. I am proud of being autistic. I am proud of who I am. Nothing I said was negative at all. People need to realize that we autistic people are unique in our own way. I don’t appreciate being treated the way I did. And if the man could have read my blogs, he would have understood me a bit better. I get so frustrated by people who act like that. And he told me that I should look in the mirror. That’s another thing that irritates me.

I am ashamed of the way that man has told me that. I really feel that he should have read my blogs before he came and told me that. I am getting so tired of ableism in this world. Everytime I speak out against it, somebody is always gonna be so quick to judge me for that. I don’t like it. Later that day I blocked him. I didn’t want to have to deal with that, especially with him.

I am here to educate people about what life is like for us autistic people. Sadly the man didn’t seem to care. I neither educate people nor tell my story to be negative. I do these things because people should know what life is like for us autistic people. That’s all.  I was really shocked at what he said.

Sometimes I can get into some dark moments in my life. I just really wanna get my story out there. So that people can have a better understanding of what it’;s like for an autistic adult. I love people. I know how it feels to be between a rock and a hard place. I have a heart and I have feelings. Sadly not everybody understands. And that’s what really saddens me the most.

Ableism in My Facebook Inbox This Morning

Trigger warning: pitying autistic people, ableism

This morning I have experienced ableism in my facebook inbox this morning. A Pakistani man exchanged greetings with me, then asked about my disability. I told him that I was autistic. Then he said to me, “I am sorry.”

My autism is nothing to be sorry about. I am proud to be autistic. I am saddened that this man would be pitying me just for being autistic. That is ableism on so many levels. I really hate that this has happened to me. I don’t need pity just for being autistic. I need people to be respectful of me.

This is why there’s so much hate and ableism everywhere in the world. People are always so quick to judge, condemn, murder, tease, torment, torture and make fun of autistics. I’m really saddened that people would think of autism as a negative thing, that we should be eradicated. It’s really not right for people to be treating autistics as if they were less than, Othered, or monsters.

Ableism really needs to stop completely. I am thankful for my Christian friends who actually understand my autism, because there are some people out there that just don’t get it. I am also thankful for my autistic friends. They have meant a great deal to me. I am also thankful that a lot of people, including Todd Friel and the Wretched Gang, are out there to hear my story.

I am hoping more people will hear my story one day. There are plenty of people out there that would like to hear my story. Read our blogs, hear our stories, actually LISTEN to us. You have so much to learn about us autistic people.

Why I Am Writing to Tell My Story

Trigger warning: ableism, Christian ableism, abuse, mentions of strong language

I’m an autistic adult, and I am writing a blog to tell my story. The reason why is because I’m fighting against the ableism and hate that we as autistic people face. I have been through ableism throughout my life. There were a lot of good parts in my childhood, and a lot of bad parts as well. In my teenage years there were a lot of good and bad parts too. And now as an autistic adult, there are a lot of good parts and bad parts.

The bad parts about my childhood were that I had a stepdad who was really cruel to me. After my younger brother was born, my stepdad started to be mean to me. This went on for several years. One day I wandered off and my stepdad smacked me. One time he even pinched me in the legs. And his cruelty went on and on for many years. I don’t feel that he was a very nice guy toward me at all. Especially in my teenage years.

In elementary school, I was bullied by a fifth-grade student. He was also cruel to me. He called me really nasty names, and it was really awful. He even swore at me when he knew swearing wasn’t allowed at the school I went to. I just hated it so much. It’s tough to be autistic and have somebody be cruel to you.

When I was in seventh grade, I was in class crying. I had an aide who was super-sweet to me, but sadly I ran her off. I had a meltdown and a series of screaming fits. She was really nice too. I was sad that she had to quit, because I ran her off. I still have that pain with me that I ran her off.

The good parts about my childhood and teenage years was when I went on road trips and vacations with my family. I had such a wonderful time on those trips. They were really awesome to go to. I’ve been to Tennesee, Chincoteague Island, New York City, and on the left side of my state, Pennsylvania.

The bad parts about my teenage years were that I was made fun of. I was called a pig by a couple of male students, and a poser by one of the male students. That was the hardest thing for me, the most heartbreaking. The aide that I had in high school told me that I smelled like either pee or body odor. That really saddened me. I was deeply hurt by her words. Then she made me walk the same pace as she did, and she also judged me for the way that I looked. I felt ugly in my high school days.

Sometime ago, on my facebook page, in 2012, or something like that, I was on a facebook page that I was a part of, that was a Christian page. I thought I would like that page. But then, when I told my story and told the admin of the page that I was autistic, the admin said to me, “You’re being lied to!! You’re not autistic!!” I was deeply hurt at this. Then another Christian told me that she would pray my autism off of me. Sadly, this is a form of Christian ableism. A few weeks later I felt really hurt at this. And there was another Christian who told me that I have “divine health.”

Ableism is unacceptable, and it’s never okay at all. We as autistic people are being treated unfairly all the time. We as autistic people are discriminated against all the time. We as autistic people are teased, made fun of, gaslighted, eradicated, murdered, abused, and tortured. We need to fight against ableism because as autistic people, we are called a burden, a disease, and tragedies. And we are told that we lack empathy, and we as autistic people are denied services, and get no help from anybody at all.

I believe that as autistic adults, we must stand together and fight against ableism, and we need our voices to be heard. We are not to be silenced or muzzled. We need to be loved and be treated with kindness and respect. We notice when people stare at us, and we notice when people whisper and gossip about us behind our backs and we notice when people don’t allow us to be in churches, synagogues, synods, sporting events, schools, etc.

As autistic people, we need to be accommodated as well. We as autistic adults are treated as less-than and Othered. It’s really sad when people don’t accommodate us and treat us like we are human. As autistic people, we are still human beings regardless of what people say and think about us. We notice the dirty looks, the stares and the negative comments. Parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, caregivers, pastors, deacons, youth pastors, aides and teachers need to step up on the plate and show us autistic people kindness and respect. We as autistic people need your love and acceptance. And we cannot and will not fall for ableism anywhere.

Thank you for listening to my story.