The History of My Autism

Hi, my name is Christy. I am an autistic adult, and I turned 29 years old in August. I am going to tell you my autistic history.

My story opened on October 12, 1987. I became very sick with menengitis. I have heard of many people that died from it. I had to go to the hospital to get some medicine for it. That day, on October 12, 1987, I was diagnosed with autism. I didn’t know I was autistic until I was in sixth grade.

In seventh grade, I went to see a therapist who introduced me to Donna Williams’ books. She read to me pages of a book called Nobody Nowhere. I was really fascinated with that book. I really liked it and I want to get it one day. I was intrigued by Donna’s story, and loved learning about her. I have seen her brilliant artwork and read her awesome poetry. She is a really awesome author, poet and artist.

In high school, I participated in Special Education classes for three and a half years and went on the disability school bus. I really enjoyed going to restaurants and swimming at Aquabilities. The worst part about it was the way my Special Ed teachers acted towards me. I hated that they rolled their eyes at me and yelled at me everytime I made a mistake.

I attended speech class every year as a student of my school that I went to. I usually attended speech class alone, with a friend, or with my Special Ed classmates. I attended IEP meetings in middle and high school. In speech class I was scolded for being late which I didn’t like at all. I was not happy about that because I don’t like being scolded in the first place.

My mom signed me up for SSI and got me health insurance through Gateway in 2005. I got denied several times for health insurance, but then Gateway accepted me. I’m glad that they accepted me, because none of the others really wanted to bother anyway.

In 2006, I graduated from high school. I was really glad to get out of there because I was always so tired after school, that I fell asleep in my bedroom. I lived with my grandmother from then at the time of her death in 2011. My grandmother and I used to go on trips, eat out at restaurants like O’Grady’s and Route 61 Diner (my personal favorite), and shopping at Big Lots. In 2010, she and I moved back to my hometown. I liked where she and I used to live because the pine smell was always in the house. It always smelled like pine whenever I was there. When she went into the hospital in 2011, I went to my mom and stepdad’s house to live there.

In 2012, I joined the choir at Grace Bible Fellowship Church, and it was a lot of fun the first year that I was in it. I have been attending GBFC since 2010, and it’s such a good church. The pastor is accepting of me, and so are my fellow choir members and fellow members of my congregation. They are a great group of people and I love them dearly.

Fall Is Here, And I’m Glad It Cooled Down

I’m so glad that fall is here again, and I’m glad that it cooled down, too. I always hate it when it gets hot out. I am getting excited for the coming months. A couple of weeks ago I had a pumpkin spice latte from at Turkey Hill. It was delicious, and I’m glad I was able to get one, because Mr. Kiffer took me to get it. I think that this fall is so far the best one ever.

Now that the weather is getting cooler, I’m gonna be able to go to sleep all night. I’m really glad about that because I really don’t like sleeping in the heat. 80-90 degree temperatures are too hot for me. I like it better when it’s from 60-80 degrees out. I can’t wait until I get a New Nintendo 3DS so that I can take pictures of sunrises and sunsets so that I don’t have to use my digital camera for them. Every day I love watching the sunsets and taking pictures of them. On some days, I just take pictures of both the sunrises and sunsets.

I woke up this morning to the wonderful news that Muppet Babies is gonna be coming to Disney Junior in computer animation format. I am so excited about that too. I can’t wait until I see what it looks like in computer animation format. It’s gonna start in 2018, but I hate waiting that long, so I am gonna be watching Muppet Babies sometime this weekend.

My leg is hurting but I’m praying that it’ll feel better. Today was a great day. I had a wonderful time in choir practice. I loved singing all the songs with my fellow choir members. I seriously love my fellow choir members and choir teacher Harriet. They are all so kind and caring. It makes me feel glad and that I’m not alone. That’s what I love about going to choir practice.

I dare you

Michelle Sutton

I wrote this and published it on my old blog in November 2014. A year has passed, and I wish I could say that since then there has been no more news of violence against Autistic and otherwise neurodivergent and disabled children by their parents and carers. The fact is there has been story after story of parents who are convinced their imperfect child is the reason for all their woes, and so they act in unspeakably horrific ways toward them. The fact is, the media is still telling us all to feel sorry for this parents, rather than the victims- their children.

So, today, I am sharing this old piece of writing with you. Because nothing has changed.

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When Do We Get to Be Autistic?

Reblogging this because this is so well stated, and applies to me, an autistic adult. We have a voice and a story to tell. People need to listen to us. Our voices matter.

Erin Human

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Image is a yellow/blue watercolored background with the text: I have been congratulated for “overcoming autism” : a well meaning gesture that means nothing at all. For a time I thought this was applause for having the ability to pass, but I have learned that it’s code for “we expect you to act normal now and anything that you can’t do we will consider a personal failing.” – eisforerin.com

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I’m seeing a new therapist and I’ve told her how much I like to write; last week I told her that I haven’t blogged in a while because I haven’t had the time, but this morning I told her that I’ve realized I am not writing because I don’t know what to say.

She told me that it’s important to keep doing this so that I have a voice.

So I’m going to try to say some things.

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I…

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I’m An Autistic Adult Who Was Bullied in Elementary and High School

When I was a little girl in elementary school, I was bullied. Bullied by a fifth grader. There were times in elementary school when I had mean words aimed at me and was being called names. It hurt me so much. I still recall those days when I was bullied by that fifth grader.

The fifth grader called me names and was really mean to me, he treated me like dirt and also treated me unfairly. He called me a f*ggot, and even in the lunch lines he was mean. I felt so alone and it made me feel like there was nothing I could do about it. He yelled at me that one day in March 1998, saying to me, “What the f*** are you looking at?” I started bawling and running over to my aide, and she and I went to the learning support room to collect myself. I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t handle what he had said to me. He was just so mean and rude to me. It was a horrific time in my life for me. It was a very bad time in my life. It hurt me so badly. Sometimes I have nightmares about the way he acted around me. My aide and I had a long talk about it. I always loved our long talks.

In high school, in tenth grade, I was bullied by a group of guys, and they called me names too. They called me a pig. They laughed at me, they called me a “poser” or something like that. I think what they actually called me was a “hoser”. The truth is, when you are autistic, you get bullied. I’ve been there. I know what it’s like to be bullied. I still go through this phase a lot, now that I’m in high school. It hurts so much. It’s never easy being who you are, and sometimes life can hurt. But it’s good to know that I have a lot of people in my life who love and care about me.

I am an autistic adult, and I’m a human being. I am not a pig, I am not a hoser, and I am neither a monster, a tragedy or a burden. I am me. As an autistic adult, I enjoy my life, but sometimes it can be hard. But I know that I have a lot of family and friends who love me and care about me. I don’t like hurting others and I don’t want to hurt anybody. I love everybody, and as an autistic adult, I want people to know how much it hurts an autistic person when they are teased, bullied, mocked, ridiculed, tormented, murdered, muzzled, and silenced. I want to get my story out there and make it go viral so that people would be more understanding of what it is like to be autistic. People are so quick to judge, mistreat and condemn us constantly. It’s not right. That’s why I am getting the word out there so that people can understand what it’s like to be disabled.

Some days aren’t like the others but I’m glad to say that as an autistic adult, I have value, and my life has value. A lot of people don’t see it that way. They want us murdered or left in institutions and nursing homes to vegetate and rot. I’m thankful that for a second year in a row I get to tell my story to let people know that our lives as disabled people have value, that we disabled people matter and that we disabled people need to be loved and taken really good care of. That we disabled people are not burdens or tragedies. That we disabled people need you to give us hugs and let us know how much you love us. Don’t try to cure us, just love and understand us. Don’t talk over us, talk TO us. Don’t dismiss us, don’t judge us or condemn us. Listen to us. Because we need to be understood. We need to be taken care of. Don’t throw us away in the garbage can. When you do things like judge and condemn us disabled people, you are taking away so much of our dignity.

As an autistic adult, I am tender-hearted. I don’t lack empathy. I have feelings, and I cry and I hurt just like everybody else. I laugh, I have a sense of humor, I am hard-working on my art and singing, I have a heart, and I care. I’m thankful that I’m not in a nursing home or institution where I have no freedoms at all. Please love and understand us disabled people. And know that our lives do have value when the rest of the world seems to have lost their compassion for others. Thank you.

My Story, As Written on an Author’s Facebook Page

The following is a post written by me that was on an author’s facebook page, whose books that I have never read but would like to get.

It makes me cry when autistic people get bullied, and ableism in general makes me cry. I am an autistic adult and I know what it’s like to be bullied, and there are a lot of people out there who want to bully, judge and condemn us autistic adults. I was bullied in elementary school and high school, and it really hurt me so much. I really wish that more people would open their hearts to us autistic people and remind us that we are loved in so many ways. There is so much hate in this world and so much judgement in this world, and there’s a lot of injustice in this world too. If you see somebody who is different from you, you need to love them and understand them. The same is true for those who have Down Syndrome, cerebral palsy, Bells palsy, any other disability. Don’t throw them away, don’t talk over them, don’t judge, bully, gaslight, exploit, mistreat or threaten them. They need your love and understanding every day.

I also cry about disabled people getting abused in institutions and being left to vegetate and rot. It really saddens me. I know that sometimes caregivers can be really abusive to their clients. That just puts a really huge hurt in my heart. I know this for a fact because I have read blogs about how this autistic woman was abused by her caregivers. She had so many caregivers that were really mean and abusive towards her. It really made me sad. It really made me think, and it really made me wonder, “What’s wrong with this world?” That’s why I speak out against ableism and disabled people getting abused. If they get abused, say something.

Constantly Trying to Find a Way to Go to Sleep Tonight

I can’t sleep anymore at all tonight. I am trying to go to sleep, but I just can’t. I am feeling very worried tonight. As an autistic adult, sometimes I tend to be up until 3am. Tonight, this might be the night that I could be up that late.

I enjoyed two bags of Cheetos and Dortos while watching Counting On, The Voice and This Is Us. I can’t even think. I did get some sleep tonight, I fell asleep during The Voice. I can’t even sleep at all tonight. I feel very worried and I hate it. It’s no fun to constantly wake up in the middle of the night when you want to go to sleep at nighttime. I hope that I don’t have to constantly wake up in the middle of the night again. I want to sleep all through the night but I don’t think I can. I tried to sleep the whole night through tonight, but unfortunately, I can’t.

I just keep constantly waking up at nighttime, having nightmares and not going back to sleep. I can’t go back to sleep at all. I had a nightmare about the fifth grade student that bullied me when I was in elementary school. That still upsets and worries me to this day. The second nightmare was about the people that called me names in high school. I woke up all shivery and turned my TV to WPVI, my local ABC station to watch Who Wants to Be a Millionaire and the local ABC news. I usually have wonderful dreams, like dreams of being with the Muppets and meeting them, and dreams about going to my favorite stores and restaurants. However, tonight, I didn’t have those dreams. I had only nightmares. That is why tonight I’m worried.

I really hope tomorrow night will be better for me. Because tomorrow night I have choir practice. I am thankful for my choir teacher named Harriet. I’m thankful for my fellow choir members at my church. I am thankful that I have rides to and from choir practice. Harriet and my fellow choir members mean the world to me and I wouldn’t trade them for anything else.

Another reason why I’m awake in the middle of the night is that my feet and ankles both hurt. I’m looking forward to my pumpkin spice lattes I would like to get from at Turkey Hill, and I am also looking forward to seeing the fall foliage and taking pictures of the colorful leaves on the trees. I am glad that the weather cooled down. It’s going to be warm out tomorrow just like it was today. I hope the weather cools down again. I am thankful that it’s not too hot out. I really hope that it will cool down again after the rain falls.

God bless you richly, everybody.

My Labor Day Nightmare

I had a very tough Labor Day this year. On the morning of Labor Day, I had a meltdown, and my mom told me that I was acting like a crazy person because of the meltdown. I said to her, “Mom, I’m autistic, not crazy.” This was because that morning I wanted to end the conversation with my stepdad and my stepdad was really mean to me abourt it, telling me that he wasn’t gonna make anything for me, all because I stopped a conversation. I felt like I was being judged for shortening a conversation. I know that that is not the way that people are supposed to be treating autistic people.

Labor Day afternoon was worse, because when my stepdad yelled at me for leaving the bowl on the table after lunch, I wanted to tell him that it was all a big mistake but then he made me go up into my bedroom. He even snapped at me when he told me to go into my room.

Things were really awful for me that day, because I had really bad cramps and I didn’t want to deal with them. Life isn’t fair for autistic adults like me. It’s really hard.

Later I had some shrimp and noodles with salmon, haddock, and nachos with hummus. I enjoyed my Labor Day supper and it was really delicious. I think that Labor Day evening was much better than the morning and afternoon, because Labor Day morning and afternoon was really horrible for me.

Anyway, it is now fall, and the cooler weather has finally come. I am enjoying the cooler weather. I can’t wait until the leaves change color so that I can take pictures of all of the pretty leaves. I can’t wait until I have some pumpkin bread and eat it. I can’t wait until I have a sip of pumpkin spice latte.

I’m glad that I can go to choir practice again. I have really missed choir practice. It’s so much fun and I love learning all of the songs. I love my choir teacher, Harriet. I love my fellow choir members.

I am also glad that I get to watch the Penn State Football games again, and the Sunday night NFL football games on NBC.  I also like to watch all the shows on NBC, including my local news program. My favorites are Superstore, The Good Place, Chicago Med and This Is Us.

i am NOT Kelli Stapleton

Well said. Killi Stapleton should never have donewhat she did to Issy. Issy Stapleton is a HUMAN BEING, not a monster.

love explosions

I am NOT Kelli Stapleton.  Don’t call me that.

And I sure as hell hope you aren’t either.  Or I have a call to child protective services that I am morally obligated to make.

I have a bipolar diagnosis.  I’ve struggled lifelong with bouts of depression, anxiety, and insomnia.  I’m no stranger to emotional instability.  I can say with some certainty that I will never break.  More on that in a bit.

I can say with absolute, unflinching, unyielding, certainty that I will NEVER break my children.

How can I be so sure?

Because I love my children.  When I am feeling low, you won’t find me on Facebook or Twitter posting nasty little ditties about my kids.

Not like this:
loving mother 1

Or this:
loving mother 4

Or this:
loving mother 5

Because this kinda thing?  It isn’t about mental illness.  It is about a selfish mother who doesn’t have an ounce of respect for her…

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Autistic History Month (begun anew) November 2016: Submissions Open!

Our Autistic History (Month)

Submissions are now open until November 1!

Welcome to Autistic History Month begun anew! Submissions are now open to Autistics and our supporters/allies.

A group of Autistic activists originally conceptualized this project in 2013 to record our autistic history through a variety of media, and they chose the month of November for Autistics Speaking Day. Our goal is to both provide a place where autistic people and supporters/allies can submit writing about aspects of autistic history or their family’s autistic history, and a place that can contain oral histories and interviews with activists. We have a rich culture and history, and it deserves to be told.

To submit a publication, oral history, or activist interview, please go to our Submissions page. If you participate, you get a cool icon (with more to come) and the knowledge that you are helping to preserve autistic history and culture.

The deadline is November 1, but…

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